29 July 2012, 17:39

No, there isn’t anyone here.

Are you sure?

Yes, positive.


No problem. I’ll go with you to the room for you to get your bag.

I don’t like these intruders hiding under chairs listening to everything we say! Close the door!

The house is empty except for you and me.

How do you know that?

While you were sleeping this morning I checked the whole house from top to bottom.

Ok. Get me a cup of tea.



22 October 2012, 11:03


Walking towards the medieval city, there were many pilgrims. Amongst these pilgrims, wearing sackcloth, were a father and his daughter, Matos and Lehen. After months of walking across the countryside they were relieved to see the castle and the River of Rylaan at long last.

They approached a wooden medieval barge ferrying people across the River of Rylaan. To Matos’s surprise the clerical authorities were unwelcoming and only wanted their thithe (a single metal coin) and their details.

Lehen was terrified and whimpered, and Matos found it hard to comfort her, but Erik, a fellow pilgrim, from the Norse party on the barge with them, regaled her with tales from his land, and she soon forgot her fear and enjoyed the man’s storytelling. She settled down, and waited as the ferry crossed the very wide river. They were told it would take them about six turns of the large hourglass, a quarter of the day, to get across the river.

Presently the monks gave the hungry and thirsty pilgrims a broth, but Lehen did not like the look of the food so she pretended to eat it under the watchful eye of the monks, but Erik wolfed his down and asked for more. The monks merely turned their backs on him, so Erik looked around and saw Lehen’s untouched bowl. Ensuring that she did not want it, he grabbed it before she had a chance to warn him, and started eating it. He suddenly turned blue and started choking. The monks ran up to him and whispered amongst themselves. One monk turned to Lehen and addressed her roughly, “Did you not eat your broth?” Before Lehen had a chance to reply, Erik gave the death rattle and expired. The monks forgot about her and looked at the corpse, before removing it from the decks, taking it below.

The monk who addressed Lehen returned to her and apologised for his abrupt manner, and spoke with Matos for a while, clearing the air. Somewhat mollified, Matos accepted a little metal figurine on behalf of Lehen, offered by the monk, Friar Kuct, as a peace offering. The monk bowed at the pair of them before returning belowdecks. Lehen took one look at the metal figurine and blanched. She could not explain why but she just did not like it, nor did she want it. Lehen wanted him to throw it away, but he did not heed her warning. Matos put it in his pocket.

Suddenly, the clerical authorities stopped the barge in the middle of the boat and told Matos and Lehen they would have to change boats, as the other boat will bring them directly to the castle, since the barge they were on were not going to the castle after all, but to the small hamlet at the other side a way up past the castle. Matos objected but he had already paid his tithe so he could hardly object, being in the middle of the river. Matos realised he and his little daughter were trapped and had little choice but to comply.

The monks pulled out a wooden plank, but it was constructed like a corridor, with wicker basketwork forming what appeared to be loosely woven walls and ceiling, but loose enough to clearly see expressions of trepidation on the part of the girl and anticipation on the part of the father, leading out from the barge over the river towards the other barge.

Unbeknownst to the hapless pilgrims, the plank was on a hinge, so they were unceremoniously tossed into the river, as the other barge was just a little bit too far away for the plank to reach it.

Swallowing a bit of the river, Matos and Lehen gasped and floated helplessly in the very wide river, trapped in the strong current, until a row boat came along and the boatman rescued them. Indignant, Matos berated the people of the first barge, only to be told by the boatman that their experience was a test.

Matos wasn’t impressed, but Lehen was struck by the term “The guilty sank while the innocent floated.” Being a child, she blurted her opinion, that she heard it was the opposite, and that it was only because they lived beside a lake at home, and regularly went swimming that the water held no fears for them.

The boatman smiled genially at her, then hoisted up a flag, with the symbol of Rylaan. At once, cheers were heard from the barge, then Friar Kuct sounded a horn three times.

“You have passed the test! You are worthy of Rylaan!”

The rowboat brought them to the castle at the curve of the river. Getting off onto the specially constructed pier, they were welcomed by a special greeting party, chanting “Rylaan, Rylaan!”

The smells, the noises and the sight of the frenzied crowd chanting the name repeatedly, scared the little girl, who clung to her father tightly, hugging his arm with a look of terror on her face. He held on to her comfortingly as he was of the mindset that Rylaan was part of the pilgrimage so there shouldn’t be anything to worry about, then, as he reminded her. “I don’t like it, Father! Don’t leave me!”

Later on, in their private antechamber in the castle, they were given the same broth that the people ate on the barge. While Matos tucked in with relish, being a man with a big appetite, Lehen refused to eat anything, preferring to eat only her bread. While they were both chewing, monks looked in on them and satisfied they were both eating, they left them. Sitting down, Matos took out the little metal figurine that was jabbing at him in his pocket, and placed it on the floor beside him.

Matos looked at the bowl his daughter refused to touch, and queried her not eating this nourishing broth. (She took after her father in this respect, hence his concern at her loss of appetite.) She told him she did not want it, preferring to eat the last of the bread Mother baked. Smiling at her indulgently, he agreed to let her eat what she wanted.

Suddenly Matos started choking, and there was little Lehen could do, as she was only a child, except wail “Father! Father!” as he slowly died, like Erik did on the barge.

Suddenly, mystified, Lehen watched while her father’s corpse shrank, getting smaller and smaller until it became the same size as the figurine, and the appearance changed to that of the figurine, and turned into metal!

Lehen realised that the two figurines were both Erik and her father! She screamed and a novice nun came in, realised what happened, and helped Lehen carry the two figurines in her little purse, and the underground resistance movement helped return Lehen to her horrified mother.

If I Were A Drink…

24 October 2009, 09:59

If I were a drink, here is the recipe…
Get a nicely shaped glass, at room temperature. You’ll understand when you see the recipe… 5 drops of realism and optimism, (Ratio 3/2), a bit of hope, a dollop of charity, a wee drop of the old fighting spirit, and a generous serving of Adam’s Ale, topped by frozen cubes of warmth and happiness. Frozen? To help the drinker understand that warmth only comes with time. Instant warmth is false warmth.

When the beverage is imbibed, the person is ready to face the world, with what I call the after effects of drinking “PERSPECTIVE”. That’s the name of my drink.

The Social Club

30 March 2012, 21:04

The Social Club…

Why are we going there?

It’s a social club.

Oh. Where is it? I’m freezing walking up and down the street like this!

Excuse me, where is the Parish Hall

Down a bit and walk up the lane and it’s at the top behind the church.

Thank you very much.

I’m walking down no lanes!

Mammy, it’s a very short lane.


Ok, don’t walk away from me, will you! Where is this damn place?

Here we are.

If they have a reception, they should have a receptionist!

Yes, maybe they are just in?

Would you like to sit down while we wait?

Can I help you?

Yes, we are here for the social club.

I don’t know why I was brought here! Too cold, it is! I want to be home watching the television in bed!

Oh I see, ok, yes, wait a wee bit while the organiser gets things ready.

How long do we have to wait? I’m here for hours!

It’s ok, Mammy.

Hello, hello, how are you?

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (no interpreter so I wasn’t able to understand what people were saying, so…)

And you… You’re very quiet… Do you sing?

Hmm? No, I’m deaf.

Once Upon A Time… (No, not OUAT)

24 October 2011, 21:25

Here in the dear capital city of Ireland, Dublin, in this tiny corner near the airport, there are two women, mother and daughter, who live together.

The mother tells the daughter what she is missing. Her sister and brother, and the friendly, likeable homeless guy who happens to sleep in her (the daughter’s) room. Yet the daughter knows not of these magical people.

Also time seems to fluctuate. Maybe there is a time warp somewhere in the house. Or the dear mother is unstuck in time?

Well, the dear daughter is trapped in her own protective prison and feels alone, even though she can see she is not alone. However, dear mother has become unstuck in time, and the walls are encroaching in, relentlessly.

The dear daughter needs to break down her own walls in order to climb over these encroaching walls to be with Mother who feels alone and isolated.

However, in doing so, sacrifices are made. This is not a problem. The walls are the problem. And the being unstuck in time.

The Visitor

26 September 2013, 19:44

The Visitor.

Wiping the table repeatedly with my fingers.
Someone came.
someone sat beside me.
Someone hugged me.
The Face came from around the corner.
Someone hugged me protectively.
The Face walked up to me, and Contorted aggressively.
The Face Left.
Someone gave me tissues to wipe my nose.
The Face returned and Contorted again.
Stare Calmly.
Stare Calmly.
The Face gave me tissues from his pocket.
Someone asked me if I was ok.
I don’t know. Stop asking me questions.

The Doorway

08 September 2013, 20:56

Solange was with her son walking around.

Solange had to go somewhere to check out a place for her son, so she went there, clambering over the rooftops for part of the way, and climbing through (quite comfortably) a doorway.

She then went alone to inspect this place, to see if it was ok. It seemed ok, so after fixing a thing or two, she clambered through the rooftops back to her son, who was waiting patiently.

When they went to the place she selected, he clambered through the doorway. She looked away for one sec, then glanced back to follow him.

The doorway was a mere gap in the wall now, a half foot wide and a foot tall. Through this little window, she could see her son happily jumping from one roof to the other before entering the place selected for him.

She couldn’t get to him anymore.